I don’t know if every first-time dad remembers the day they were told the news that a new chapter of their life was about to begin. I’d imagine they do, but I can’t be certain. What I am certain of: I will never forget that day.

Four months ago, I had come home from work and my wife was glowing more than usual. I walked to the kitchen to grab a drink and noticed a dutch oven on the stove with a sticky note informing me that there was something else baking in the oven. Being the man that I am, the obviousness of the situation didn’t hit me right away. Then, I opened the oven and inside was a very neatly prepared set of items, including a pregnancy test, which clarified everything perfectly. I was going to be a father…

Given that talking about our feelings isn’t strongly encouraged, an accurate description of how the reception of this news affects a man may not be easily available. I’m sure some men don’t want children, so the news would be disconcerting or maybe even bleak. I, on the other hand, have always wanted to be a father. The news instantly filled me with pride, hope, fear, love, gratitude and a sense of responsibility that I would imagine only comes from being a parent.

• Pride – I am proud that I was able to miraculously find my best friend in the world and afforded the opportunity to bring a part of both of us into the world.
• Hope – I am hopeful that I will be the best father to my child, and husband to my wife, that I am humanly capable of being; hopeful the pregnancy will be successful; hopeful our parenting would produce a productive member of society.
• Fear – Having lost our first child during pregnancy a year prior, I was fearful of reliving that horror. I am fearful of raising a child in this world we jointly occupy with all the pitfalls and social traps that exist. I am also fearful of failure as I know that I’m only human and humans make mistakes.
• Love – The immediate fortified sense of love that I had for my wife was amazing. It isn’t that love had faded, but instead than it had been bolstered and reinforced. That, coupled with the newfound love of the unborn child growing inside my wife, was a feeling I had only encountered on my wedding day.
• Gratitude – At one point in my life, I was a staunch atheist. No one could tell me anything about God or religion that I was willing to accept. That all changed for me in 2016 when the birth of my twin niece and nephew rocked my world in a spiritual way that I know I don’t possess the ability to adequately put into words. The gratitude I felt when I learned I was going to be a father was directed specifically to our Lord and Savior for giving my wife and I this opportunity.
• Responsibility – I’ve had responsibilities in my life like everyone else. None of them compare to the sense of responsibility that I feel knowing that, soon, a helpless, beautiful human being will be in the care of my wife and I for many years. The types of responsibilities related to our little bundle of joy are expansive.

Today, I start sharing this journey with you in an attempt to prepare myself and, possibly, help others in the same situation navigate this unexplored terrain together. Ultimately, our shared goal should be to usher in a new generation of healthy, loving, hard working, reasonable adults that appreciate the little things and cherish all that life has to offer.

– The Lone Star Dad